“The weirdest,” Luna piped up at the midpoint of our daily walk, “is how everyone now is so savvy yet so powerless.”
I absorbed the thought. “Ignorance is bliss, Kid, indeed.”
savvy / powerless
Free Baggage
medium mirror
“Free-stuff? More like free baggage!” Luna piped up, looking at the discarded wedding memento, a painting inscribed by guests with personal wishes to the newlyweds, now left to the sidewalk free-cycle giveaway wilds (presumably by one of the ex-spouses still residing in the brownstone behind the wrought iron rail on which it leaned).…
continued...
[img] Garçon!
“Garçon!” Luna clapped. “Garçon!”
“Me?” I asked.
“Do you see any other waiters here?”
“No.”
“Well then. This La Boutanche Gamay is NOT at cellar temperature.”
“May I offer you a free snausage?”
“Sure. But I won’t forget this egregious oenophillic infraction!”
“Right away, Madam.”
May 06, 2020 at 05:36PM
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[img] 20190928.1042
“It’s weirdo,” Luna fronted.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“You’re Westy.”
“Yeah?”
“And I’m a Westie.”
“Yeah?”
“That’s like if you’re Fern and your one plant is a fern.”
“First, I was Westy way before you got here. Also, they’re not even spelled the same.”
“Excuses, excuses. Still weirdo.”
September 28, 2019 at 10:42AM
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[img] 20190924.1814
“I thought they outlawed plastic straws here,” Luna averred.
“Those aren’t straws,” I said. “They’re PVC gas mains.”
“That’s a straw!” she shot back in her best Daniel Plainview voice, with loud slurps. “I. Drink. Your! Milkshake! I DRINK IT UP!”
“When did you-”
“I will eat you!”
September 24, 2019 at 06:14PM
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[img] Waste Context
“Look at it!” Luna wailed. “Is there any context left where human waste is out of context?!”
“That’s deep, Kid.”
“Eventually there’ll just be a tiny Pacific Ocean Patch somewhere in The Pacific Waterfill!”
I sighed. “Aren’t you supposed to fetch sticks or something?”
September 10, 2019 at 05:54PM
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[img] “Hey look I’m Aqualung!”
“Hey look I’m Aqualung!” Luna piped up, & sang, “🎵Sitting on a park bench!”
“You’re kinda the anti-Aqualung,” I said. “You couldn’t eye anyone with bad intent if you tried.”
“But my paws are greasy! And watch!” She blew a loogie out her nose.
“Ok, you’re Aqualung. Can we go?”
August 06, 2019 at 05:36PM
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[img] “Look! The Brapps…”
“Look! The Brapps are training little Tanner to potty outside like me!” Luna exhorted with optimism.
“You sure it’s not just a stoop giveaway?” I asked.
She sniffed between the lid and seat. “Well if so, it would give new meaning to the phrase ‘free shit!'”
“This city,” I sighed.
August 05, 2019 at 06:51PM
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[img] Upcycled
“It’s a TinyKit,” Luna exclaimed, “for teenies like me!”
“Some things really shouldn’t be recycled, Luna,” I intoned.
“But it’s more of an upcycle, not a recycle,” she cocked her head.
“Upcycle, eh?”
“Yeah! Upcycled in your-”
“Enough. Let’s go.”
August 03, 2019 at 07:17PM
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[img] Randy Newman’s Satire
“I love LA!” Luna declared.
“You’ve never been-”
“Shut up! Like you’d know!”
“Uh, hello…?” I pulled a poop bag from my pocket.
“Rrrr. New York’s cold & damp & everyone dresses like monkeys. I love LA!”
“You know Randy Newman’s satire, yes?”
“Yeah, & his attire isn’t monkey!”
July 30, 2019 at 10:27AM
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[img] conservatory bound
“Do you think they tossed it because the kid’s a musical disappointment?” Luna queried.
“C’mon,” I shook my head. “Not everyone’s Conservatory bound.”
She turned and taunted at a parlor window. “What’s the matter, can only play in C? Can’t handle 3/4 time?!”
“OK, let’s go.”
July 19, 2019 at 04:09PM
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[img] “hey, asshat”
“Hey, asshat,” Luna piqued, “why am I wet?”
“My app said no rain for a couple hours, but this cell-”
“So get a new app, asshat.”
“Where did you learn that word?”
“From you,” she gazed off, “the asshat.”
Voice Over: “Remember, people who say asshat have dogs who say asshat.”
continued...
[img] “The three tree tried to eat me!”
“The three tree tried to eat me!”
“Well, next time don’t give it your number two.”
May 30, 2019 at 11:08AM
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[img] “My name! Free condo for me!”
“My name! Free condo for me!” Luna exclaimed.
“Not how it works.”
“Fiddlesquats! Demand they license my name, then. I refuse to be their Playboy Bunny!”
“An infringement claim. That’s rich, Luna.”
“Shut up, you’re the not-rich fringement!”
“OK, ok. Just drop your deuce.”
April 26, 2019 at 01:43PM
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[img] “Like my mother like makes me do the dishes…”
“Like my mother like makes me do the dishes / It’s like so GROSS… / Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates / And it’s like, it’s like somebody else’s food, y’know / It’s like GRODY… / GAG ME WITH A SPOON…” – Frank Zappa via Moon Zappa
April 23, 2019 at 06:23PM
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[img] “Look at my stump speech!”
“Look at my stump speech!” Luna called out.
“Your grammar feels-“
“School’s a joke!”
“That’s a risky platform,” I admonished.
“Says the one in platform soles!”
“Hey! They’re Italian-,” I started in. “Ah, never mind. Let’s go.”
April 03, 2019 at 12:59PM
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[img] “They German?”
“They German?” Luna piped up. “The Spa Wife? Weird bodega name.”
“No, Asian-American.”
“Divorced?”
“Nope. Married and happy. Name’s a joke between them.”
“Weirder.”
“No weirder than your dream of an artisanal scrunchie mall kiosk called Bad Dog Buns.”
“Pfft!”
March 26, 2019 at 03:01PM
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[img] “He’s starving his son!”
“He’s starving his son!” Luna cried breathless, paw slapping her notes. “Oh the humanity!”
“What are you-“
“The decoder ring! Q! Trump has 5 letters so that means take 5 letters out! Call the Secret Room Service! Save Eric!”
“How about we take a walk, Kid, ok?”
February 22, 2019 at 11:49AM
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[img] “…too much grape juice?”
“C’mon, who tags trees like that?”
“Me…?” Luna said.
“Ha, no. Different.”
“Yeah,” she piped up. “I use disappearing ink!”
I shook my head.
“So, this guy drink too much grape juice or something?”
February 20, 2019 at 02:03PM
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[img] Polar Vextasaur
“Does the sun ever get cold?” Luna asked, in the teeth of a sub-zero wind.
“No,” I smiled. “It’s nuclear.”
“Wait. So how is it at a mere 23.4° axial tilt, 91 million miles away, we get a polar vextasaur? Is Earth that fragile?”
“No, Kid. We are.”
January 30, 2019 at 03:18PM
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