../melody in chaos
“So Tom Cruise enjoys the intimate company of a grapefruit cocktail?” Luna piped up, inquisitive, as we lingered over some new sidewalk scrawl on 4th Avenue.
We had just walked through an adjacent park that contains our neighborhood’s biggest playground, a full soccer pitch, 8 handball walls, a skate park, a dog run, six basketball courts, and two small community gardens.…
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“The weirdest,” Luna piped up at the midpoint of our daily walk, “is how everyone now is so savvy yet so powerless.”
I absorbed the thought. “Ignorance is bliss, Kid, indeed.”
medium mirror
“Free-stuff? More like free baggage!” Luna piped up, looking at the discarded wedding memento, a painting inscribed by guests with personal wishes to the newlyweds, now left to the sidewalk free-cycle giveaway wilds (presumably by one of the ex-spouses still residing in the brownstone behind the wrought iron rail on which it leaned).…
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“Garçon!” Luna clapped. “Garçon!”
“Me?” I asked.
“Do you see any other waiters here?”
“No.”
“Well then. This La Boutanche Gamay is NOT at cellar temperature.”
“May I offer you a free snausage?”
“Sure. But I won’t forget this egregious oenophillic infraction!”
“Right away, Madam.”
May 06, 2020 at 05:36PM
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“It’s weirdo,” Luna fronted.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“You’re Westy.”
“Yeah?”
“And I’m a Westie.”
“Yeah?”
“That’s like if you’re Fern and your one plant is a fern.”
“First, I was Westy way before you got here. Also, they’re not even spelled the same.”
“Excuses, excuses. Still weirdo.”
September 28, 2019 at 10:42AM
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“I thought they outlawed plastic straws here,” Luna averred.
“Those aren’t straws,” I said. “They’re PVC gas mains.”
“That’s a straw!” she shot back in her best Daniel Plainview voice, with loud slurps. “I. Drink. Your! Milkshake! I DRINK IT UP!”
“When did you-”
“I will eat you!”
September 24, 2019 at 06:14PM
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“Look at it!” Luna wailed. “Is there any context left where human waste is out of context?!”
“That’s deep, Kid.”
“Eventually there’ll just be a tiny Pacific Ocean Patch somewhere in The Pacific Waterfill!”
I sighed. “Aren’t you supposed to fetch sticks or something?”
September 10, 2019 at 05:54PM
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“Hey look I’m Aqualung!” Luna piped up, & sang, “🎵Sitting on a park bench!”
“You’re kinda the anti-Aqualung,” I said. “You couldn’t eye anyone with bad intent if you tried.”
“But my paws are greasy! And watch!” She blew a loogie out her nose.
“Ok, you’re Aqualung. Can we go?”
August 06, 2019 at 05:36PM
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“Look! The Brapps are training little Tanner to potty outside like me!” Luna exhorted with optimism.
“You sure it’s not just a stoop giveaway?” I asked.
She sniffed between the lid and seat. “Well if so, it would give new meaning to the phrase ‘free shit!'”
“This city,” I sighed.
August 05, 2019 at 06:51PM
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“It’s a TinyKit,” Luna exclaimed, “for teenies like me!”
“Some things really shouldn’t be recycled, Luna,” I intoned.
“But it’s more of an upcycle, not a recycle,” she cocked her head.
“Upcycle, eh?”
“Yeah! Upcycled in your-”
“Enough. Let’s go.”
August 03, 2019 at 07:17PM
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“I love LA!” Luna declared.
“You’ve never been-”
“Shut up! Like you’d know!”
“Uh, hello…?” I pulled a poop bag from my pocket.
“Rrrr. New York’s cold & damp & everyone dresses like monkeys. I love LA!”
“You know Randy Newman’s satire, yes?”
“Yeah, & his attire isn’t monkey!”
July 30, 2019 at 10:27AM
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“Do you think they tossed it because the kid’s a musical disappointment?” Luna queried.
“C’mon,” I shook my head. “Not everyone’s Conservatory bound.”
She turned and taunted at a parlor window. “What’s the matter, can only play in C? Can’t handle 3/4 time?!”
“OK, let’s go.”
July 19, 2019 at 04:09PM
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“Hey, asshat,” Luna piqued, “why am I wet?”
“My app said no rain for a couple hours, but this cell-”
“So get a new app, asshat.”
“Where did you learn that word?”
“From you,” she gazed off, “the asshat.”
Voice Over: “Remember, people who say asshat have dogs who say asshat.”
“The three tree tried to eat me!”
“Well, next time don’t give it your number two.”
May 30, 2019 at 11:08AM
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“My name! Free condo for me!” Luna exclaimed.
“Not how it works.”
“Fiddlesquats! Demand they license my name, then. I refuse to be their Playboy Bunny!”
“An infringement claim. That’s rich, Luna.”
“Shut up, you’re the not-rich fringement!”
“OK, ok. Just drop your deuce.”
April 26, 2019 at 01:43PM
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“Like my mother like makes me do the dishes / It’s like so GROSS… / Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates / And it’s like, it’s like somebody else’s food, y’know / It’s like GRODY… / GAG ME WITH A SPOON…” – Frank Zappa via Moon Zappa
April 23, 2019 at 06:23PM
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“Look at my stump speech!” Luna called out.
“Your grammar feels-“
“School’s a joke!”
“That’s a risky platform,” I admonished.
“Says the one in platform soles!”
“Hey! They’re Italian-,” I started in. “Ah, never mind. Let’s go.”
April 03, 2019 at 12:59PM
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“They German?” Luna piped up. “The Spa Wife? Weird bodega name.”
“No, Asian-American.”
“Divorced?”
“Nope. Married and happy. Name’s a joke between them.”
“Weirder.”
“No weirder than your dream of an artisanal scrunchie mall kiosk called Bad Dog Buns.”
“Pfft!”
March 26, 2019 at 03:01PM
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“He’s starving his son!” Luna cried breathless, paw slapping her notes. “Oh the humanity!”
“What are you-“
“The decoder ring! Q! Trump has 5 letters so that means take 5 letters out! Call the Secret Room Service! Save Eric!”
“How about we take a walk, Kid, ok?”
February 22, 2019 at 11:49AM
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“C’mon, who tags trees like that?”
“Me…?” Luna said.
“Ha, no. Different.”
“Yeah,” she piped up. “I use disappearing ink!”
I shook my head.
“So, this guy drink too much grape juice or something?”
February 20, 2019 at 02:03PM
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