Found Folder: Tweet Drafts 2014


Twice in the early 2010s, I lost all my drafts in the Twitter app after running my phone through TSA airport X-ray conveyors. So I began to write potential tweets in an MS Word file, away from the app. I appended new drafts to the same file for a few years. A strikeout marked the tweeted drafts.

This week, in an unintended correlation with Twitter’s shape-shifting into X, I came upon the draft file. A few hundred dormant tweets make for a true alternate timeline.

I haven’t tweeted in a couple years, and tbh I don’t recall anything I actually tweeted in 2014. Buried in the document, however, was a draft that explained why many remained drafts

700+ tweets in my draft file. mostly unsent b/c on twttr, time (not space) is context. mostly, if moment gone, so is relevance.

10 years ago online spaces like Twitter catered to the wry and dry. The quick wit was king for a while. I sent a few thousand posts into the aether, with genuine affection. The internet was still kinda fun, mostly because you still didn’t have to live there.

Fwiw, the seagull photos here are from a 2014 July trip to Montauk, NY.

is this wall bottomless or topless? #metatwisics

the pain. #ilovetokill
time #ilovetokill
it at the open mic. #ilovetokill

crooked people duped stupid people. they all lied (with air cover). we believed them. no one thought twice. and here we all are. #OhSit

coffee grinding jaws. #SuperPowerClearanceRack
coffee grinding jaws with rapid-boil cheek insert and nasal latte foamer. #SuperPowerClearanceRack

Pocket Rug Man, portable automatic rug beater “you need to beat it to believe it!” #infomercialdreamz

they were in rival rock bands, one w/keytar, th other w/HammB-3. they’d been with the same girls. but not in the same night. #DigIt

a self-sustaining economy of dreams and creativity. #LikeItsSoooHard
freedom from #synthetichef and his toxic plasticity. #LikeItsSoooHard
floating children with no need for strollers #LikeItsSoooHard
a fedora with a built-in dingbat deflector #LikeItsSoooHard
drop all thousand year grudges. #LikeItsSoooHard

why isn’t everything invented all at once?

fear of disconnection is more powerful than the promise of unbridled connectivity. #DeepTuesday
the world around you is a process, not a container. #DeepTuesday
We swim thru radio signals as fish through water. #DeepTuesday
You are never conditioned anew; only reconditioned from past conditions. #DeepTuesday
Your online persona is a performance, btw. #DeepTuesday

Love thyself as thy label. #SocialMediaCommandments
Thou shalt non-fiction. #SocialMediaCommandments

Left: a hacking sputum vector. Right: a hashbrown inhaling greasepot. Front: a nose-picking toddler pole-spinner. #subwayride

We Alter The Channel. Her Taste Allures You. Love Or Run, She Walks In Front Today.


My wife met the president of Vita-Mix at a London Hotel party but couldn’t bring herself to tell her we use a Blend-Tec.

The NFL Topay on CBS #TypoTV
Miami Lice #TypoTV
CNN’s In Thea Rena #TypoTV
Smell Wonder #TypoTV
The Fashion Shod #TypoTV

rubber-snake charmer #WorstCarnival

started buying my comments at MetaMart this year, but they’re turning obtuse. thinking 2 go back to CommentLot or StatusDepot.

Bureaucracy’s power is in its latency; not its action.

Ppl whistling in front of me on sidewalk are ok. But when they start whistling some show tune from behind me, I get xtra conscious.

kinda fnny easter and halloween are both about resurrecting the dead and quests for candy.

the 70s was the last time real life was more beautiful than TV. #fb

the heat on my cheek off my dog’s withers is #proofoflife.

a couple nights ago, on the roof of a west hollywood hotel, a singer looked perfect and lonely. #everythingmakessense

If the romans had had twitter and effbook, would they have staved off or accelerated their collapse?

The Little Prints is someone’s #mallkioskdream
oedipal edibles #MallKioskDreams #fb

my neighbors know way less about me than I do of them. #reallifehitchcock

in my recurring “salmon run: you are the wheelman” #RPGdream, I usually play as the bear. #fb

Goodnight, HVAC Unit. #citychildrensbooks #fb
One Fish, Two Fish, Three Card Monte #citychildrensbooks #fb
Where The Sidewalk Cracks #citychildrensbooks #fb
Jonathan Living-Stoned Seagull #citychildrensbooks #fb

laughterhouse-Five #ClassicTypo

Internotional Business Machines #TypoCorp #fb
Untied Parcel Service #TypoCorp #fb
Assle #TypoCorp #fb
Time Worner Cable #TypoCorp #fb
Derizon #TypoCorp
Wahoo’s Fist Tacos #TypoCorp
Kentucky Freed Chicken #TypoCorp
McDontld’s #TypoCorp<
In ‘d Out #TypoCorp
War Malt #TypoCorp

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