Category Archives: words


[img] Waste Context

“Look at it!” Luna wailed. “Is there any context left where human waste is out of context?!”
“That’s deep, Kid.”
“Eventually there’ll just be a tiny Pacific Ocean Patch somewhere in The Pacific Waterfill!”
I sighed. “Aren’t you supposed to fetch sticks or something?”
September 10, 2019 at 05:54PM
instagram


[img] “Hey look I’m Aqualung!”

“Hey look I’m Aqualung!” Luna piped up, & sang, “🎵Sitting on a park bench!”
“You’re kinda the anti-Aqualung,” I said. “You couldn’t eye anyone with bad intent if you tried.”
“But my paws are greasy! And watch!” She blew a loogie out her nose.
“Ok, you’re Aqualung. Can we go?”
August 06, 2019 at 05:36PM
instagram


[img] “Look! The Brapps…”

“Look! The Brapps are training little Tanner to potty outside like me!” Luna exhorted with optimism.
“You sure it’s not just a stoop giveaway?” I asked.
She sniffed between the lid and seat. “Well if so, it would give new meaning to the phrase ‘free shit!'”
“This city,” I sighed.
August 05, 2019 at 06:51PM
instagram


[img] Upcycled

“It’s a TinyKit,” Luna exclaimed, “for teenies like me!”
“Some things really shouldn’t be recycled, Luna,” I intoned.
“But it’s more of an upcycle, not a recycle,” she cocked her head.
“Upcycle, eh?”
“Yeah! Upcycled in your-”
“Enough. Let’s go.”
August 03, 2019 at 07:17PM
instagram


[img] Randy Newman’s Satire

“I love LA!” Luna declared.
“You’ve never been-”
“Shut up! Like you’d know!”
“Uh, hello…?” I pulled a poop bag from my pocket.
“Rrrr. New York’s cold & damp & everyone dresses like monkeys. I love LA!”
“You know Randy Newman’s satire, yes?”
“Yeah, & his attire isn’t monkey!”
July 30, 2019 at 10:27AM
instagram


[img] conservatory bound

“Do you think they tossed it because the kid’s a musical disappointment?” Luna queried.
“C’mon,” I shook my head. “Not everyone’s Conservatory bound.”
She turned and taunted at a parlor window. “What’s the matter, can only play in C? Can’t handle 3/4 time?!”
“OK, let’s go.”
July 19, 2019 at 04:09PM
instagram


[img] “hey, asshat”

“Hey, asshat,” Luna piqued, “why am I wet?”
“My app said no rain for a couple hours, but this cell-”
“So get a new app, asshat.”
“Where did you learn that word?”
“From you,” she gazed off, “the asshat.”
Voice Over: “Remember, people who say asshat have dogs who say asshat.”
July 18, 2019 at 05:15PM
instagram


[dispatch] stationary chevy update 20190715.1717

full story at medium


Eye-Roll 20190617a

Untitled

Most car horn use is an expression of a driver’s loneliness, masked as urgency.

Car horns should not only be all in the same key, but also the same mode. Doesn’t have to be major. I’ll take Mixolydian, even Aeolian.

Untitled

Frivolous horn use should be per honk – $0.25 for the first second of duration, $1.00 each additional second. Call the oversight/enforcement system HornHeeder – like ShotSpotter meets EZPass.

Using a car horn for anything beyond a true warning is the same as when a dog barks out of lonesomeness, or chews its paw out of idiocy.

Untitled


[img] “The three tree tried to eat me!”

“The three tree tried to eat me!”
“Well, next time don’t give it your number two.”
May 30, 2019 at 11:08AM
instagram


[img] “My name! Free condo for me!”

“My name! Free condo for me!” Luna exclaimed.
“Not how it works.”
“Fiddlesquats! Demand they license my name, then. I refuse to be their Playboy Bunny!”
“An infringement claim. That’s rich, Luna.”
“Shut up, you’re the not-rich fringement!”
“OK, ok. Just drop your deuce.”
April 26, 2019 at 01:43PM
via instagram


[img] “Like my mother like makes me do the dishes…”

“Like my mother like makes me do the dishes / It’s like so GROSS… / Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates / And it’s like, it’s like somebody else’s food, y’know / It’s like GRODY… / GAG ME WITH A SPOON…” – Frank Zappa via Moon Zappa
April 23, 2019 at 06:23PM
via instagram


[img] “Look at my stump speech!”

“Look at my stump speech!” Luna called out.
“Your grammar feels-“
“School’s a joke!”
“That’s a risky platform,” I admonished.
“Says the one in platform soles!”
“Hey! They’re Italian-,” I started in. “Ah, never mind. Let’s go.”
April 03, 2019 at 12:59PM
via instagram


[img] “They German?”

“They German?” Luna piped up. “The Spa Wife? Weird bodega name.”
“No, Asian-American.”
“Divorced?”
“Nope. Married and happy. Name’s a joke between them.”
“Weirder.”
“No weirder than your dream of an artisanal scrunchie mall kiosk called Bad Dog Buns.”
“Pfft!”
March 26, 2019 at 03:01PM
via instagram


[dispatch] 20190223.2013

February 23, 2019 at 08:13PM
via IFTTT


[dispatch] 20190223.stationary.chevy

February 23, 2019 at 05:56PM
via IFTTT


[img] “He’s starving his son!”

“He’s starving his son!” Luna cried breathless, paw slapping her notes. “Oh the humanity!”
“What are you-“
“The decoder ring! Q! Trump has 5 letters so that means take 5 letters out! Call the Secret Room Service! Save Eric!”
“How about we take a walk, Kid, ok?”
February 22, 2019 at 11:49AM
via instagram


[img] “…too much grape juice?”

“C’mon, who tags trees like that?”
“Me…?” Luna said.
“Ha, no. Different.”
“Yeah,” she piped up. “I use disappearing ink!”
I shook my head.
“So, this guy drink too much grape juice or something?”
February 20, 2019 at 02:03PM
via instagram


[words] Quiet, Silence

February 15, 2019 at 01:30PM
via IFTTT


[img] “So what’s your Super Bowl pick?”

“So what’s your Super Bowl pick?” I asked Luna.
“Ooh, the macro one at M Café in LA on Melrose? Well, king salmon and-“
“No, football,” I shook my head.
“Well, I like Man City over Arsenal-“
“American football.”
“Oh. The Saints. Duh.”
February 03, 2019 at 06:21PM
via instagram