Category Archives: words


[dispatch] stationary chevy update 20190715.1717

full story at medium


Eye-Roll 20190617a

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Most car horn use is an expression of a driver’s loneliness, masked as urgency.

Car horns should not only be all in the same key, but also the same mode. Doesn’t have to be major. I’ll take Mixolydian, even Aeolian.

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Frivolous horn use should be per honk – $0.25 for the first second of duration, $1.00 each additional second. Call the oversight/enforcement system HornHeeder – like ShotSpotter meets EZPass.

Using a car horn for anything beyond a true warning is the same as when a dog barks out of lonesomeness, or chews its paw out of idiocy.

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[img] “The three tree tried to eat me!”

“The three tree tried to eat me!”
“Well, next time don’t give it your number two.”
May 30, 2019 at 11:08AM
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[img] “My name! Free condo for me!”

“My name! Free condo for me!” Luna exclaimed.
“Not how it works.”
“Fiddlesquats! Demand they license my name, then. I refuse to be their Playboy Bunny!”
“An infringement claim. That’s rich, Luna.”
“Shut up, you’re the not-rich fringement!”
“OK, ok. Just drop your deuce.”
April 26, 2019 at 01:43PM
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[img] “Like my mother like makes me do the dishes…”

“Like my mother like makes me do the dishes / It’s like so GROSS… / Like all the stuff like sticks to the plates / And it’s like, it’s like somebody else’s food, y’know / It’s like GRODY… / GAG ME WITH A SPOON…” – Frank Zappa via Moon Zappa
April 23, 2019 at 06:23PM
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[img] “Look at my stump speech!”

“Look at my stump speech!” Luna called out.
“Your grammar feels-“
“School’s a joke!”
“That’s a risky platform,” I admonished.
“Says the one in platform soles!”
“Hey! They’re Italian-,” I started in. “Ah, never mind. Let’s go.”
April 03, 2019 at 12:59PM
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[img] “They German?”

“They German?” Luna piped up. “The Spa Wife? Weird bodega name.”
“No, Asian-American.”
“Divorced?”
“Nope. Married and happy. Name’s a joke between them.”
“Weirder.”
“No weirder than your dream of an artisanal scrunchie mall kiosk called Bad Dog Buns.”
“Pfft!”
March 26, 2019 at 03:01PM
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[dispatch] 20190223.2013

February 23, 2019 at 08:13PM
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[dispatch] 20190223.stationary.chevy

February 23, 2019 at 05:56PM
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[img] “He’s starving his son!”

“He’s starving his son!” Luna cried breathless, paw slapping her notes. “Oh the humanity!”
“What are you-“
“The decoder ring! Q! Trump has 5 letters so that means take 5 letters out! Call the Secret Room Service! Save Eric!”
“How about we take a walk, Kid, ok?”
February 22, 2019 at 11:49AM
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[img] “…too much grape juice?”

“C’mon, who tags trees like that?”
“Me…?” Luna said.
“Ha, no. Different.”
“Yeah,” she piped up. “I use disappearing ink!”
I shook my head.
“So, this guy drink too much grape juice or something?”
February 20, 2019 at 02:03PM
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[words] Quiet, Silence

February 15, 2019 at 01:30PM
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[img] “So what’s your Super Bowl pick?”

“So what’s your Super Bowl pick?” I asked Luna.
“Ooh, the macro one at M Café in LA on Melrose? Well, king salmon and-“
“No, football,” I shook my head.
“Well, I like Man City over Arsenal-“
“American football.”
“Oh. The Saints. Duh.”
February 03, 2019 at 06:21PM
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[img] Polar Vextasaur

“Does the sun ever get cold?” Luna asked, in the teeth of a sub-zero wind.
“No,” I smiled. “It’s nuclear.”
“Wait. So how is it at a mere 23.4° axial tilt, 91 million miles away, we get a polar vextasaur? Is Earth that fragile?”
“No, Kid. We are.”
January 30, 2019 at 03:18PM
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[img] mud school

“But I want to go to mud school, too!” Luna insisted. Downhill, a 1st grade class explored a water patch that failed to drain after a rainstorm 3 weeks ago.
“No way,” I said. “Like I need more bacteria in my life.”
“Shut up! You’re the vector!” she cried, and skulked off.
January 10, 2019 at 02:06PM
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[img] Green Streets

“Hey!” Luna piped. “This’s the one where DeNiro beat up litterbugs, yes?”
“No, that’s Clean Streets,” I said. “In Green Streets, DeNiro’s Johnny loses bets over climate change, and gets buried under a pedestrian triangle.”
“Oh, right! ‘Where’s ya footprint now, Sal?!’ So good!”
January 08, 2019 at 04:31PM
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[img] “Free to take…”

December 11, 2018 at 06:23PM
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always only almost



i never jump
but sometimes
wonder as to be



/ squeezed between wheel and rail /
/ liquified into sidewalk cracks /
/ betrayed by the softness of water at terminal velocity /



a final taste of blood into quiet black
forever suspension
soul mixed into the city gutter



always only almost /
the city self-harm paradox:
selfish + public
too many other’s
commutes, too, interrupt



missed the train announcement again
headphones too loud
head too cloud
unprepared for changes
anyway
someday
now


[img] Evolution Win

“But why? You guys never have to wear one!” Luna protested.
“Evolution,” I replied, “left us no ability to lick, you know, down there.”
“Really?” she chuckled. “That’s so sad.”
December 08, 2018 at 12:00PM
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[words] The Curious Case of the Stationary Chevy

December 06, 2018 at 08:56AM
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